Every trinket which had existed while you were still alive has become a holy thing. A relic of a time when angels walked the planet and smoke ring haloes were only broken by your endless laughter. I almost forgot about the cigarette burns creating holes in every blanket and every robe. I almost forgot about the smell of thousand year smoke. There are devils that followed you like shadows and behind your happiness was deep pain. I lament I could not take it away. Sometimes behind my back those devils you would chase. In your wake, I find joy in seeing them choke. Your soul is free, and there is no room for their selfishness to take what is left of you in me. I want to dedicate my life to being stronger. You will live on. –six pm | *holy things
I believe in Nothing, after This is all over, before Everything began,
So if This is Something, even just a little bit… it matters who I spend my time with.
You’re so in love it sets your eyes on fire. See, I need to feel that too. I’m simply not falling in love with you.
So take back your gifts of golden bracelets. I don’t feel comfortable giving them away. Though soft and made of finer things…
They are chains all the same.
Paige Six | 2021
*a draft I’ve been aspiring to finish since I’ve sought to build off of the final stanza since 2017. It’s still sitting on my chest. One of the mornings I’m going to rise and sing the right companion verses. Until then, we have this.
⁖ Wish you could love me As you loved the sunsets In California. I never trust in anyone But for some reason I trust you. And if you fly to the other side Know, one day, I’ll follow you.
I wish you cared enough about me To watch the sun rise in the East We’re New Yorkers, it’s in our blood Staying out and running the streets before the dawn. I’m always on the run And you should be too. There’s a place out there for us to grab I am waiting for you To lace up your shoes
But you, you’ll sleep all fucking day. I don’t care, I can wait Trust, I have the patience of a saint. I’ll always love you, somehow anyway -six pm
i. i had a dream there were polaroids of us. developing sunken and strewn across my pink comforter.
(a soft cosmos.)
i saw how happy we were, you tall and in your glasses, arms around me and hunched to envelope your frame …around mine.
behold; my real smile. not where my controlled lips stiff; cover my gum line, to feign the sort of “elationship” i experienced only when we would speak…
ii. shut the curtains. i don’t even want the sun to filter in through the fabric & change the tone of my pale skin.
i want to stay the same, i want to be exactly as i was the day you reached across, felt me, and i touched you.
iii. i hope to hold our whole world and hand it to you in my palm.
(even if mine crumbles.)
Atlas bent & crippled i am devoted to holding you up. i will not shrug.
(oh, i must move on)
iv. (no.) cleanse my home w. white sage & string along my bedpost bewitched apples cored. finally biting into you was like biting into an apple that hid a star.
and *omitted, how i adore stars. i lose sleep surrounded by them, counting them, staring into mirror telescopes until my eyes burn and my vision blurs.
i will hold you in my mind’s eye forever. i will dedicate and devote every motion onward towards the path which leads back to you.
(even if it feels eerily, like eights.)
(infinity.) behold infinity within the iris of your half-m∞n eyes smiling back in a beam.
v. i’ll race time to the future, at the far end of our solar system. first steps cracking untouched crust of Pluto’s nitrogen snow, at the center of her heart- shaped crater. look back into space as the glim of Earth is licked (–flickers)
(the moment of our first kiss.)
like these memories, no more than a spectacle, a twinkle, in the otherwise steady shine of Earth bathed in our Sun’s overcast light. filtered and shrunk by distance and gravity as a star–finally, a star i had never gleaned before. (oh!) how fortune smiles upon all…