the night came early the day you died. and the winter soaked into the tail end tides of fall. never not… autumn was a comfort and a warning. november was a time of changing times.. portal opens and we are born, your daughters, and you, our mother, would disappear… never not the body in blue morgue… nevertheless… mother’s kiss gentle as the wind blows and whisks gently swaying kitten whiskers and hums and purrs.

a new black chapter and a funeral. never not… alone and anew… never not my family, drowning out the white noise recorder left beside your pillow listening for your spirit. never not… two daughters, darlings distraught, arrested in the same spot the ghost of you rests… straight desire, straight razor seriously… never not; a makeshift ouija board, maybe, made up of your makeup… never not wake up wrapped in blankets; the cold is too strong and the dark is too long… your wake is tomorrow. you were yesterday. i ruin now. this hurt feels eternal.


nevertheless… winter encroaches; branches bare scraping at milk light moon white… never not… daylight savings saved nothing at all.. never not… death be at my side; the space where you sat beside me… i studied time and wasted all that was left with you.

i want to set out like the autumn soaked in bitter blowing the crispness crippling crunch of back breaking cracked leaf; forgive me for not skipping over them. forgive me the frogs i kissed while not sitting beside and being kind to you… never not leave this empty season; leave life behind; follow you into the night; become milk white.. never not.. starlight collapses into blackhole magnetic and swallow me… never so.

                                                                                                            ∗   ◌
always still… i could never unkiss you… never would… never not… i would never. i can never love you less.. never lose the moments of kindness we crossed like chests… never not hope to die… never not my heart beat the same. never not see a woman who… looks just like you… and not call her your name. never not… just in case. branch crushes window panes… glass shatters… never over you… never forget your empty space… forget you not …never forget you forever. AMEN. -six pm

        ◎ .                                 ⁕                        .

                          *                                      ․•                  ◑                           ∘                                                                           ∗

                         ⋱                                 •

                                                    .                                               .

            *                                                         .

Every trinket which had existed while you were still alive has become a holy thing. A relic of a time when angels walked the planet and smoke ring haloes were only broken by your endless laughter. I almost forgot about the cigarette burns creating holes in every blanket and every robe. I almost forgot about the smell of thousand year smoke. There are devils that followed you like shadows and behind your happiness was deep pain. I lament I could not take it away. Sometimes behind my back those devils you would chase. In your wake, I find joy in seeing them choke. Your soul is free, and there is no room for their selfishness to take what is left of you in me. I want to dedicate my life to being stronger. You will live on. –six pm | *holy things

                                                                          ⁕ .







                                                                                                    *in loving memory

*six pm | 2019